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01798 890 021This month’s blog is personal for me. I recently drove my youngest to his first choice university and dropped him off at his halls of residence. Whilst we have been talking about it and planning for it throughout the summer, the reality of landing A level results and four weeks later dropping him off and leaving him there felt quick and overwhelming. We drove away and the tears rolled down my cheeks, and for a good week they popped out again at random times and when anyone said “how are you doing, are you ok?” or “how is your son settling in.”
Since dropping him off and chatting with colleagues and peers it quickly became clear that, although I had decided this was a ‘me’ problem and I needed to get a grip, actually many people talked of their experiences being similar. It occurred to me that all around the country across this same two weeks there will be parents going through this same situation and feeling the same way.
Empty Nest Syndrome refers to the feelings of sadness, loss, or emotional distress that parents, particularly mothers, may experience when their children leave home for the first time—usually to attend university, start a job, or move out on their own. It’s not a clinical diagnosis but rather a common psychological experience as a result of a significant life change.
As I have found out in the conversations I have had with others, it presents in many ways and brings about a mix of feelings and emotions, but it doesn’t just affect mothers, fathers have described a deep emotional pull. On the one hand, there is celebration and pride in what your child has achieved with their results and university choices, and you want to encourage them to get out there and be independent and fearless. In fact, one of my parenting goals has been to have children that don’t feel held-back and feel empowered to make their own choices and do what they want to do, so there is an underlying sense of achievement for me.
On the other hand, there is immense worry about the practicalities, such as how they will settle in, whether they will make new friends and get on ok with their flatmates, not drink too much, manage their money, eat well, cope with washing clothes and cleaning their accommodation, but also deep feelings of grief, loneliness, and even a sense of purposelessness. Oh, and don’t forget the worry about how much you need to top up and subsidise them.
Many parents, especially those who have dedicated a substantial portion of their identity to parenting, may feel lost or unsure about how to adjust to this new stage of life. It’s a time of rediscovery, opportunity and freedom, but it can also be filled with emotional challenges. I have been joking with people I have spoken to about finally having time to speak to and spend time with my husband, but in reality it does feel a little bit strange having that time available and not being caught up in the comings and goings of a busy family household.
• Sadness and Grief: Feelings of loss due to the child’s absence.
• Loneliness: The quietness of a house can feel overwhelming, particularly as more and more people work from home and manage the comings and goings around work activities.
• Identity Crisis: Parents may struggle with their role after children leave.
• Worry or Anxiety: Concerns about a child’s ability to manage on their own.
• Loss of Routine: A disruption in daily activities or family dynamics.
So how can we as HR practitioners and business owners support our employees and workers personally and professionally in navigating their way through these life shifts?
Here are our 6 top tips:
We can be aware and be vigilant around this time of year. We can ask if they are ok, listen and validate their feelings, and maybe even empathise. The feelings are similar to grief, and they may be grieving over the significant change that has happened in their life, things may never be the same again and it’s important for them to know that it’s perfectly normal to feel a wide range of emotions and there are no right or wrong answers or ways to handle it.
Practical things we can do:
Many parents may have neglected personal hobbies, career goals, or social activities while raising children. Now is a great opportunity for them to rediscover or reinvent their sense of self and have the freedom to come and go as and when they want.
Practical things we can do:
For years, they’ve likely put their family’s needs first. Now is a time for them to focus on their own mental, emotional, and physical health. Encourage them to embrace the idea of guilt free ‘me time’.
Practical things we can do:
Empty Nest Syndrome often comes with a loss of the familiar daily routines centred around children, homework, kids clubs, taxi service, feeding everyone including the fussy one (I wonder why we miss this!). Encourage them to create new routines that fill the space with other overdue or fulfilling activities.
Practical things we can do:
Even though children have moved out, they still value connection with their parents. Suggest that parents maintain regular communication with their children in ways that feel natural, without overstepping boundaries or imposing. I am taking great pleasure from sending food parcels with little treats in them.
Practical things we can do:
This transition is a unique opportunity for parents to explore new avenues and possibilities. Whether it’s focusing on their career, rekindling a relationship, or taking on new challenges, this stage can be filled with growth and maybe a little self-indulgence.
Practical things we can do:
In conclusion, Empty Nest Syndrome is a natural and perfectly normal, albeit emotionally complex life experience. The struggle for some individuals is very real. As HR practitioners and line managers we have a valuable role to play in helping parents through this transition. By being observant and fostering open conversations, showing gratitude for the work they do, encouraging self-care, and guiding individuals toward rediscovery of their personal and professional identities, we can help them navigate this stage with resilience and positivity and help them to re-focus on the next stage in their lives, and renewal and growth rather than their empty nest. Or, at least catch them if they are struggling and support them to get the appropriate support and care they need from an appropriate health professional.
If you need help in supporting your workers through this life change, then please do get in touch. Having spoken to my son a few times and heard that he is settling in, getting around his new environment and having a good time, the feeling deep in the pit of my stomach is lessening and I am making peace with the situation, along with portions of home-cooked meals and banana cake!!