When the Magic Disappears - Part 2When Christmas Isn’t Safe and What Employers Should Know About Domestic Abuse

You have probably seen already with our Magical Christmas – Part 1 blog that we have decided this year that rather than focus on daft things people do at the Christmas party, we are focusing on a darker side of Christmas and things going on for employees, that as employers we should be aware of.

These definitely take the magic out of Christmas, and may also be things we don’t really know about or think about. Christmas is intended to be a joyous, fun and peaceful time, but that isn’t the reality for many. This is a bit of a longer and harder read this week, but please stay with us.

If you follow us regularly, you will also know that we work with a group of domestic abuse refuges from an HR support perspective, and support the incredible work that they do to help people flee from abusive situations. It probably won’t surprise you to hear that Christmas is a major flashpoint for domestic abuse.

Abuse can take many forms, it can be physical, sexual, financial, emotional, coercive, digital and honour-based violence. At its simplest level, Christmas is used as an excuse and a way to shift blame for perpetrator and abusive behaviours, and according to Emma Bray, CEO of I Choose Freedom, the root cause is always about power and control.

“What is important to remember is that someone being psychologically or physically abusive is a choice”* and “Everyone should be able to feel safe in their own, and their children’s home, but also out and about without the threat or worry of abuse, violence, harassment or stalking.”

(*Source: Northants police web news 15/12/2025).

I asked Emma to describe how these things manifest themselves for those in an abusive situation.  Seasonal specific behaviours can include:

• Drinking more alcohol than usual because it is Christmas, which can be a catalyst for many behaviours and intensify abuse and increase levels of violence.
• Destroying Christmas trees and decorations,
• Ruining or destroying Christmas meals,
• Controlling the days and setting the rules for how they want to spend Christmas with no regard for others,
• Destroying or withholding presents for children,
• Hiding or holding back money so a partner can’t go out and spend any money on themselves or food, or children’s gifts. This can create immense upset and distress for a partner/parent who desperately wants to make it a magical time for their children,
• An increase in many types of violence and abuse because the abuser is there more, as many people take annual leave, and families are in closer quarters. When Christmas falls as it does this year 4 days is a long time to be trapped in a home with an abuser.
• Isolating families from loved ones to be coercive and intensify loneliness, or to have more control or simply to hide what they do,
• Family fall-outs and pressure can increase stress within a home with an abuser in it.
• Financial pressure and arguments over money.

Those experiencing domestic abuse may actually struggle to articulate or accept that what they are experiencing is, in fact, domestic abuse or that someone they once loved, or may still love, is a perpetrator – which is a strong term to use. And of course, we aren’t the experts in this type of thing, and we can’t protect our employees from everything going on in their personal lives, but we can absolutely be more aware and alert to the behaviours they may exhibit in the workplace that give us clues that someone may be going through something or experiencing domestic abuse.

We may notice that someone is more withdrawn than normal, or they may take more small incidental absences but won’t want to take long periods of annual leave. Their performance or productivity may drop, they may seem upset and emotional, they may seem accident-prone with little injuries, bumps and bruises and they may also withdraw from or abstain from work social functions. They might also tell you something in a jokey way about getting in trouble if they say something, buy something or spend too much, wear certain clothes, or stay out too late etc. They may talk about how much they dislike Christmas and being stuck at home for a number of days.

Here are our recommendations for employers to ensure support is in place for employees experiencing domestic abuse:

• Regular one-to-ones with team members build trust and create opportunities for managers to discuss concerns or suspicions, and for an employee to maybe feel listened to and to feel safe to share what they are going through.
• Provide training and education opportunities for HR teams and line managers on spotting the signs and how to approach a conversation about it.
• Try (if safe to do so) to be an active bystander, not a passive bystander. Abuse of this nature is a pattern of behaviour and will continue or even ramp up until the pattern is broken. Small interventions can make a big difference.
• Create safe and nonjudgemental spaces for an employee to disclose something happening to them, someone taking that first step and sharing what is happening to them wants to be believed and supported.
• Create a policy for employees facing domestic abuse, with perhaps resources and organisations you can signpost them to, nationally and locally.
• Display posters or resources on walls or on shared drives/intranets/hubs showing the contact details for the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, Women’s Aid, local police force campaigns and local services such as I Choose Freedom in Surrey, and document how to make a disclosure and support someone who wants to flee. You may not realise it, but something as simple as a policy and posters on display could, according to I Choose Freedom, save lives.  You aren’t required or experienced to fix the problem, but you can point to people who can.
• Respect your employee’s decisions on how they want to manage the situation they are going through, unless you have serious concerns for their safety.
• Be mindful if an employee doesn’t turn up for work unexpectedly and consider why that might be, rather than assume they are committing misconduct.

Absolutely, there are many organisations around the country that carry out this invaluable work, and they will all have their own campaigns and fundraising events going on, so have a look in your area and see whether you can help, and whether these organisations can help you to ensure you have policies and posters in place to support employees, they may even for a donation, provide the relevant training awareness for your line managers.

For our client, I Choose Freedom, they are looking for donations to buy gifts for all of their children in the refuge. Perhaps you could encourage your teams to provide gifts for children in refuge this year instead of a workplace secret Santa.

You can check out what they need or make a donation on their website.

Alternatively, you can purchase something on their Amazon wishlist as per the links below: